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Q. Where does bad
light end up?
A. In prism.
Q. What happens when
you cut a prism in half?
A. All the prismers escape.
Q. How do you see
through pressurized glass?
A. Press your eyes against it! (Hint: it's all in the delivery)
Q. Why did Mr Ohm
marry Mrs Ohm?
A. Because he couldn't resistor.
Q. How do you know if you're being approached by the Quantum
Mafia?
A. They make you an offer you can't understand.
Q. ‘What do Australian
mathematical physicists drink?'
A. 'Castlemaine d/dx 2x squared +c' of course.
Q. What's an ohm?
A. It's where a watt lives.
Absolute zero rules
OK
A jump lead walks
into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bar tender says "Ok, but don't start anything”
Why are scientists
no good at telling jokes timing
Well what about the
mature student having trouble with weight and mass? He couldn't
tell his old tons from his Newtons
A man’s driving down
the road behind an 18-wheeler. At every red light, the truck-driver
gets out of his cab, runs back and bangs on the truck door.
After seeing this at several sets of lights in a row, the car
driver follows him until he pulls into a parking lot. When they’ve
both come to a stop the truck driver once again jumps out, runs
to the back and starts banging on the truck door.
The motorist goes up to him and says, "I don’t mean to
be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the truck-driver replies, "Sorry mate, can't talk
now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, so I have
to keep half of them flying at all times."
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.
The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
From way down in
my cranium,
This prediction I will make:
That if you eat uranium,
You'll get atomic ache.
Heisenberg must have
been contemplating his love life when he discovered the Uncertainty
Principle: When he had the time, he didn't have the energy.
A man goes into a
shop.
Man: I'd like a packet of helicopter flavour crisps please.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, I've only got plain.
Einstein's Theory
of Junkfood
E = MC (Donald's)
Einstein's Theory
of Boybands
E = MC (Fly)
Einstein's Theory
of Rappers
E = MC (Hammer)
Einstein's Theory
of Music
E = F (flat)
Einstein's theory
of cricket
E = MC (C)
Einstein's theory
of parks
E = MC (Arthur)
Einsteins's Theory
of Theatre
E = MC (Beth)
Einstein's Theory
of Biscuits
E = MC (Vities)
Einstein's Theory
of Tessellating Patterns
E = MC (Escher)
Einstein's Theory
of Pastoral Farming
E = MC (Donald)
Einstein's Theory
of Motor Racing
E = MC (Laren)
Einstein's theory
of raining computers
E = MC (intosh)
Einstein's theory
of bright coloured birds
E = MC (aws)
Einstein's theory
of oily fish
E = MC (eral)
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