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A library is a somewhat
easy place to annoy the people sitting around
you, but for those of you with less then stellar
creativity, we have made a list of things you
can do...
1. Read out loud. Very loud.
And slowly.
2. While pointing to a
very simple word, like 'the', ask the person
next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.
3. While looking at your
book, turn so you’re facing the person. Then,
peer over the top of your book, and say "PEEKABOO!!"
4. Put down you book, and
look over and start reading the other persons
book, and, either 1) say "Ooo. Nice book." or 2)
when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your
book and act like your reading it.
5. Suddenly look over at
him/her, and say, "You’re one of THEM!"
6. Put down you book, and
look at him/her. When they says something like
"what?", cut them off by saying "Are you
accusing me of something?"
7. Read your book. Upside
down.
8. Read your book from
right to left. And flip the pages the same way.
9. Flip the page every two
or so seconds.
10. Pick up your book, put
it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."
11. Read silently, and
then as if speaking to the character in your
book, say, "No, Jim! It's a trap! Don't do it!!"
Then turn to the person and reply solemnly, "He
did it." when he/she looks at you.
12. Turn to the person and
ask, "Have you ever experienced déj?vu and
amnesia at the same time?"
13. Start arguing with
yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny,
say "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my
subconscious to be quiet."
14. Sit down, and then say
to the person next to you, "Hi! My name's (? and
I'm really glad to meet you."
15. Ask him/her if he/she
knew there are eddies in the space/time
continuum.
16. Ask him/her what
species he/she is.
17. Every so often, yelp
in pain, and look at your feet.
18. Bring a bag or purse,
and peer into it and say, "Got enough air in
their?" or, "Settle down in there. I'm trying to
read!"
19. Ask them what their
name is, and then when they start to reply, cut
them off by saying, "No it isn't!"
20. Break the silence by
making a bodily function noise, then say, "Wow!
That was a good one!"
21. Every time the person
next to you turns the page, make a strange
sound, or a beep.
22. Announce the page
number each time you turn a page.
23. Constantly shift in
your seat, and if the person next to you asked
what is wrong, reply by saying, "I'm
constipated. Hehe."
24. Spell every single
word as you read it.
25. Chew gum with your
mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.
26. Act like you’re picking
your nose. And eating it.
27. Snort loudly, and
gargle with your spit.
28. Sneeze a lot.
29. Hold your book right
next to your eyes.
30. Every few minutes, get
up out of your chair, walk around the table, and
sit back down.
31. Stand up, and continue
reading.
32. Make a strange sound
every few minutes, then act like you didn't do
it.
33. Bring a bag of cat
food, and start snacking on it.
34. Bring a box of crunchy
cereal, a bowl, and a spoon. Then dig in
messily, and crunch on it.
35. Ask them, got milk??
36. Read out loud attempting to pronounce
easy words. Butcher them badly. But be able to
pronounce hard words.
37. Fall out of your seat, then say, meant to
do that.?Then do it again. And again.
38. Bring a laptop, and turn up the sound,
and play a very noisy game.
39. Wear too many sweaters, and complain how
hot it is.
40. Bring one of those fans with a squirt
bottle attached, and make it look like you’re
attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them
instead.
41. Bring a bottle of squirtable mouth
freshener, and miss every time you try to spray
it into your mouth.
42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or
perfume.
43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on
their book.
44. Put down your book, then say, ya wanna
trade?
45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious
music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full
blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep
accusing them, then get the librarian to come.
When they find it in your bag, yell, “IT WAS
PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!
IT’S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY!! ALIENS BEAMED IT
INTO MY BAG!!! IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN'T’T LET THEM DO
EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!
46. Without looking away from your book, say
to no one in particular, “I know what you did
last summer.
47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces
of it down the little hole in the center of the
table meant for cords.
48. While reading your book, start humming a
single note until you’re out of breath, then
collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and
continue reading like nothing happened.
49. Start singing his is the song that never
ends.
50. While placing small pieces of bread in a
line, count one, two, three. . ., and lose count
every ten or so.
51. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play
it on headphones quietly, but sing along very
badly. Then say to the person next to you, “I
took singing lessons!
52. Turn to the person sitting next to you
and say to them, Hey! How ya doin? That’s great,
me too.
53. Instead of a laptop, bring your entire
computer!
54. While working at a laptop, suddenly stand
up, and announce to every one, “I have mail!!
55. Start staring at the person, and when you
have their attention, announce, “I measure sock
by thickness!
56. Turn to the person next to you, and ask
them to pronounce their name backwards. When
they ask you why, tell them that you are looking
for hidden messages.
57. State proudly that you have been to the
there side. Give no explanation.
58. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a
wail, and fall to the ground. Then get back up
like nothing happened.
59. Collapse on the floor. Then get up like
nothing happened. When the person next to asked
what is wrong, look at him/her with an inquiring
look on your face, and say, “What do you mean?
60. Say, “It always starts so weird, and they
do it so weird.? When they ask, “Wwhat??say, “Oohh,
sorry. I’m back now.
61. Start telling a VERY strange story, then
half way through say, “Never mind.?/font>
62. Turn to them and while pointing your
fingers at them as if you were electrocuting
them, say, “BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!. .
63. Start arguing with yourself. When they
ask you who you are talking to, say, “Your just
jealous ‘cause the voices are talking to
ME!!!?/font>
64. Say, “Who’s Freddie??Then act like you didn’t
say anything.
65. Say, “Argh! My central nervous system in
shot! Quick! Give me blue china!!!?/font>
66. Introduce your self by saying, “Hi! I’d
like a hamburger, and a green South America
please.?When they ask what your problem is, say,
“Ohh, your not my fairy god mother? I’m sorry, he
must have flown into the bookcases. Bye!?and run
off.
67. Continuously rub a book while chanting, “Come
out, come out. I know you’re in there!?When they
ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m calling the book
genie out!?/font>
68. Run up to them with a book, thrust it
under their nose and ask, “Will you sign my
autograph?!??Make sure you say MY.
69. Get up onto the table, and start acting
like a duck. When they ask what you’re doing, say
happily, “I’m roosting!?/font>
70. Bring a bottle of glue and sniff it while
counting down from a very high number. When they
ask what you’re doing, say, “I’m counting my brain
cells!?/font>
71. Stick a ‘kick me?sing on your back, and
accuse them of putting it their.
72. Repeat every thing they say to you.
73. Ask them, “Have you ever had an orange
juice bath??When they look at you strangely,
say, “What??/font>
74. Look up suddenly and yell, “Ohh no!? When
they ask you what happened, say, “Nothing.?Then
do it again.
75. Stare accusingly at the other person, and
when they look at you, say, “Where were you on
the night of February 32, 1989?!?/font>
76. Look at one page number, then a different
one. They say in astonishment, “Wow! The page
numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up
with that musta been a genius!!
77. Glance over your shoulder every few
seconds.
78. Maintain a look of horror constantly, but
act normal other wise.
79. Say to him/her, “You have the right to
remain silent!?/font>
80. Pat your stomach and say, “Whoa. Human
extremities do not settle well.?/font>
81. Get a child’s book like “Green Eggs and
Ham?and complain that there is no glossary.
82. Find a thesaurus and say in complete
astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that
‘affirmative?and ‘yes? mean the same thing??/font>
83. Say, “Omph!?like you were just shot, and
while smushing a ketchup pack on your chest,
fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing
happened. After that, look at your stomach, and
say, “What? How’d this stain get here??while
motioning to the ketchup.
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