Al Gore Concession Speech, 1st Draft
Good evening, my fellow American: Tonight we come to the end of a long road
and the start of a new one. Having exhausted all avenues of appeal in the U.S. and Florida, my legal team has filed a claim in World Court seeking to overturn the Florida elect..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 2nd Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight, in the spirit of national unity and despite being the undisputed winner of the popular vote..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 3rd Draft
Good evening, everyone. Many of you no doubt know what it feels like to get royally shaf..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 4th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Although it is the opinion of my attorneys and myself that I do not fit the legal definition of "loser," ..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 5th Draft Good evening, my fellow Americans. Approximately 12 million light years ago, when I was first dispatched to your planet from Zolloid 9 ..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 6th Draft
I can't do this. I just can't do this.

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 7th Draft
Hello, my fellow Americans. It's been a long and difficult month for me and, indeed, for the entire nation. But the time has come for us all to throw our enthusiastic support behind our next president, George W. Buhh
Bbb .
Bahoo. (laugh) Pardon me. Let me try that again: President
George
W. Buh,
Buh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PEOPLE! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO PUNCH OUT A FREAKIN' CARDBOARD HOLE IN A BALLOT! MORONS!

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 8th Draft
My fellow Americans, in light of recent unfavorable court decisions, it has come to my understanding that a majority of you want to turn the country over to a recovering alcoholic and functional illiterate..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 9th Draft (folksy approach) Good evening, my fellow Americans. You know, when I was young boy frolicking on the zero-gravity ash fields of Zolloid 9, it never occurred to me when I downloaded the human emotion coding sequence..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 10th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Have you ever known someone who took something from a store without paying for it? That's called "stealing," and in American stealing is a cri..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 11th Draft
My fellow American, most of you probably know how to count. One. Two. Three. And so on. See? It's not that difficult. (Smile). So can someone please explain to me why the state of Florida..

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Al Gore Concession Speech, 12 Draft
Good evening, everyone. Generally speaking, civil war is never a good thing. But there are times . ah, forget it.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.

That clears up a lot of things.

Gore: My gosh, it was terrible!
Aide: What?

Gore: This nightmare I had--I dreamed I was running against Dan Quayle.

Aide: What's so terrible about that? Seems to me it'd be a slam dunk for you.

Gore: You don't understand. I was in this debate--and the first thing they ask ed was, "Which of you is Al and which of you is Dan?"

Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Documents released by the White House show that the Democratic National Committee asked Al Gore to make 140 calls to campaign donors, but he only connected on 56 of them. The other 84 hung up because he sounds just like a dial tone.